What Convinced Me About Judaism? Pt One

I speak in a number of yeshivas, Jewish day schools, and synagogues across the country. The number one question I receive, besides "what did your mother say when you told her you'd converted" is: What was the one thing that convinced you that Judaism is true?
The humorous answer I usually give is "chulent", that gastronomical mixture of beans, meat, potatoes, barley, and whatever else you can throw in that is put up on Friday afternoon and slow-cooked for hours till served at Shabbat lunch. Chulent is a distinctly Jewish food, consisting of ordinary ingredients, yet possessing an extraordinary taste. Non-Jews have many unique foods - but chulent is not among them. (Follow this link to learn more about chulent than you ever wanted to know: chulent.)

So, the answer to the question of "the one thing that convinced me" is best understood by the chulent analogy; it was a combination of things which, slow-cooked over time, distilled into a uniquely flavored conclusion: that what I'd learned about Jesus was inaccurate and I would follow this path of realization wherever it would lead. I did not expect at the time that I would become a Jew, much less an observant one. Maybe I could just become an honest person without a need for religion of any kind. Maybe I could be spiritual without creed, dogma, or ritual. (More on this in another post. It's a separate and critical subject. Hint: maybe we can have societies without laws, business deals without contracts, marriages without exclusivity, and actions without consequences.)

Having left the church formally in 1986, I slowly entered the realm of agnostic for about eight years. I played peek-a-boo with my old life, visiting a church now and again to see if I could reconnect. Sometimes the heart would go for what the head could not support. I had been so deeply in love with so many aspects of it all:

• the music,
• the celebration,
• the wistful, personal God experience,
• the community,
• the certainty of the salvation message,
• the simple solutions to complex issues,
• the power of the charismatic, Pentecostal style of preaching & praying

And I had feared a number of aspects:

• by denying Jesus as my lord and savior, wasn't I doomed to eternal hell? (This is considered by many as "the unpardonable sin".)
• how could a billion Christians in the world be wrong?
• maybe the problem was just me?
• the Baptists told me once saved, I was always saved. Was I? Wasn't I?
• my Dad was a Baptist. He was saved, right? He said I was. Right?
• what about all the dramatically changed lives - drug addicts freed from addiction, morally corrupt persons becoming upright, criminals becoming model citizens et al? 
• what about all the 300 prophecies that Jesus fulfilled in the New Testament?
• what about the accounts of Jesus physical resurrection from the dead?
• what about all the spiritual experiences I had over the years? Didn't my belief in Jesus change my life from hopeless sinner to one saved by grace and sanctified by the spirit?

In the next posting, I'll explore the last three questions listed here. They are three legs of a tripod in Christian apologetics. In my book "A Minister's Journey to Judaism", I'll go into more depth on all of these issues, G-d willing.

Why My Name is Really Your Name, Too!

My Hebrew name is Gavriel Aryeh ben Avraham. Why did I choose to be known as this?

Every convert to Judaism becomes a ben (son) or bat (daughter) of Avraham Avinu – Abraham our father. So, in effect, every convert has the same “last name” by virtue of being a child of the very first Jew.

In many cases, the convert will take a Hebrew name that sounds like his/her given name. Morris may take on Moshe. Mary may take on Miriam. Leanne may take on Leah. Mark may take on Mordechai.

My given name is Mark, but I didn’t choose Mordechai or Menachem or a host of other options. I wanted a name that was emblematic of the inner nature and challenge of Jewish life. When I hear “Gavriel Aryeh”, I want to be reminded of what I’m really all about in being a Jew.

Our Sages tell us that there are two natures within which vie for our allegiance. The yetzer hatov (the good inclination, also referred to as hanefesh haEloki – the divine soul) and the yetzer ha’ra (the evil inclination, also referred to as henefesh habehemati – the animal soul). Mankind is created with these opposing forces within. The clash and struggle between them is what enables the exercise of free will, the choice for good over evil, and the striving to live on a plane higher than mere animal urges.

I represent the yetzer hatov by the name Gavriel, after the great angel whose name means “my strength is G-d”. This is the part of my inner being that strives to connect with G-d through observing the mitzvot (commandments) of the Torah. Some of these commandments require positive action – do this. Some of these commandments require restraint and avoidance – don’t do this.

I represent the yetzer ha’ra by the stately lion, called aryeh in Hebrew. This part within me contains the animal urges for sustenance, survival, defense and protection, acquisition, and procreation.

The challenge is for the Gavriel to rule over the Aryeh – for the angel to ride upon the beast. We don’t kill the beast. We ask G-d to tame it within us. We need it. But we must give it over to higher, holy purposes. That is why we say in the beginning part of the morning prayer, “chof et yitzreynu l’hishta’abed lakh” – subdue our inclination to be subservient to You.

In this sense, each of us is a Gavriel Aryeh, for we share a common constitution, a common struggle, and a common reward for strengthening ourselves through application of the Torah’s solutions.

The Long & The Short of It

There is a famous chassidic story of a man who is trying to reach a city. Along the road, he asks another traveller for directions. The traveller advises, "There's the long shorter way through the canyon and the short longer way through the mountains." The man declared he'd take the long shorter way through the canyon. Upon reaching it, he could actually see his destination on the other side. But the canyon had no bridges, no stairs, and at this time of year, a torrential river raged between the sheer cliff walls. He was so close, yet so far.

He was forced to backtrack and go over the mountains which in distance was longer but in time was much shorter.

My journey to Judaism from the world of evangelical, charismatic Christianity has taken me over both of these paths. I've tried for the short cut and I've gone the distance. On this blog site, I will deal with aspects of this odyssey in the hopes that others may benefit.

I ask you to keep in mind that you are reading about my experiences, thoughts, shortcomings, quirks, failures, and triumphs. You may or may not agree with what I've concluded, said, or done. But allow it simply to be the path I am on. You have your own odyssey - not matter how odd it may be.

This path began in Atlanta GA, where I was born. It took me on to Florida at age seven, then Texas at age fifteen, then California at sixteen, then Oregon at sixteen, and back to California at twenty. At twenty-four and married for two years, I made my first trip to Israel for a half-year language program. At twenty-eight, I returned to Israel for a three and a half-year stay as a language teacher and low profile missionary (I preferred the term "Christian Zionist"). At thirty-two, I was back in LA working as an associate pastor for a 10,000 member church. At thirty-five, my Christian world imploded. At thirty-seven, I was a newly-single language teacher in Saudi Arabia, trying to put order back into my life. I went through a number of painful experiences, mostly self-inflicted. This was not a pretty chapter in the journey.

A decade and a half later, I now reside in Queens NY, entering my sixth year as a convert to Orthodox Judaism. I work in the publishing industry, produce a weekly Internet broadcast, write periodically for various Jewish media outlets, and speak widely to Jewish audiences across the country about this spiritual journey. I found my basherte - a wonderful woman who has been Torah observant from birth.

When some hear that I was a minister that converted to Judaism, they think it must have been a sudden move, corresponding to how most evangelicals "get saved" and "accept Jesus". That was not the case. I pondered the path to Judaism for many years. When I officially left the ministry in 1986, I did call the University of Judaism in Bel Air CA to ask about conversion. (This is a Conservative university where I'd done intermediate and advanced Hebrew work in 1980 and 1985.) But I was too scared, too burnt out, and too uncertain of anything to commit to another spiritual path. It would be another eight years, spent mostly as a goy for nothing, until I took serious strides toward embracing Judaism.

It's a long story and I'll share it in installments. I look forward to interacting with any of you that wish to ask questions or share comments. You can write me at: gavrielsanders@gmail.com.

Gavriel